Glass Jar

I just realized how silly it is that I have a thing on the left that says HEY, CHECK IT OUT!!! as if what I've written is something cool, but it's just complaints. Sorry.

Anyways, I AM SUCH A LOSER.

I know that and I'm okay-ish with it, but it feels so vulnerable when other people know. (Strangers on the internet don't count, I mean I feel like we're all the same here.) Like, my roommates know I basically run home to my parents so often and it's so embarrassing. I live 45 minutes ish from home, or like a 30 minute bus home and I literally go home almost every weekend, and today IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK because I'm anxious about things. I swear I won't go home this weekend.

I don't know. I'm also so anxious that they all hate me even though I don't even do anything, like we all rarely see each other, and I stay out of the way. I just feel so guilty for taking up space, or more specifically, a room in the house, when I live so "close" and just run home all the time like a baby.

I'm scared people are building resentment towards me, but you know what, they probably don't and that's probably just a me thing, because that's what I do to others. I just make shit up in my head after observing people for a while even though none of it is probably true. I know this, yet, YET!!

I like living away from home, and I'm good at it! I know how to cook, and I keep things clean and keep everything to myself. I'm not a total baby, I can be mature when necessary, I'm just I don't know. 

I don't think there is ever a time when I don't feel guilty about something or another. I think some people really just sit there and feel sure in what they're doing and how they behave and the seat they chose to sit in, and the way they, I don't know, pick up a pen or whatever.

It's so exhausting, but it feels so good to write and throw it out there into the web. Not like it really needs this spew of vomit, sorry, but it does help.

I'm still thinking about whether I shut my door or turned off the burner even though it's been hours. 

I had two nasty granola bars, and the worst burnt soup I've ever made. I don't make or like soup. I don't understand people who say soup is their favourite food, why do you like drinking gravy. One time when my sister and I were kids, we wasted a whole bag of carrots trying to make carrot soup and it was a salty neon-orange mess and no one ate it.

Today I knocked over and shattered my roommate's glass jar of salt and I sobbed over it. My house has an absurd amount of glass jars, which I guess are good to reuse and maybe better for the environment (?). 

Okay. It's Monday. Maybe if the "worst" is over today, then the rest of the week will be nice. 

I hope you have a nice week :-)