Wishes

It's my birthday tomorrow and I've already messed up. I don't want to be an angry person, but I am. I'm so angry at the world and about everything. I feel the need to be defensive all the time because the possibility of being perceived as weak makes me sick to my stomach. If i'm not loud I'm boring, if I'm not argumentative I'm passive, and if I ignore it all I might as well be my mother going to her room to avoid the clearly unbalanced fight between ten year old me and the man she chose to live with. They tell me to go home but I have no where else to go, and all I want to do is see my mother move far away from here but she won't escape her old ways and neither will I. Growing up with an angry man in your house will turn you into one and I found myself using the same language as misogynists do online during fights with him -- I guess I thought I'd be able to replicate a shred of that power but it did nothing but make my arms hurt.

Blegh happy twenty second 2 me !!!