Pizza

I miss my sister. I have a research paper proposal thing that I need to do, but I don't know what I'm doing and all my ideas are stupid and I'm not intellectual enough to keep up with the class, and the professor scares the hell out of me because he's intimidating and smart and everyone seems to get it or at least pretends to which I'm not really even capable of. I'm tired and probably low in multiple vitamins and I'm afraid for his comments, I don't want to be noticed or acknowledged at all. To force myself, I'll order pizza but the ordering thing is only available til 9 something which means I HAVE to get it done if I wanna eat, but it's not as simple as getting it done, my brain doesn't work. I think i'm trying too hard to do something I'm not capable of, but I'm afraid of choosing a topic that doesn't do enough.

 

<--- WHOA!!! What the hell !!! Slight intermission folks, this post has been ✴BLESSED✴ by the elusive squirrel fairy !!! 

  

I knew what I was getting into going into this class because I've had this professor before but it's still difficult and nerve-wracking. My body hurts like hell and I'm not even on my period or close to it. When I finish my proposal, I'll log off all my school things and just read and watch a movie and everything will be okay in the moment. And crap, I have to worry about what the hell is going on with renewing my lease for the apartment, and how the heck I get to my new job in the summer, and I have to make god forbid DECISIONS which I do not want to do but which I know are good for me. Being an adult is the worst thing ever, there is nothing good about it, I don't even want independence, I have it now and I don't even do anything with it. Okay, then again, I can't drive. But I don't even want to drive, I'm scared of cars. FUDGE. I cried like a baby in the library and wandered around and my roommate said she saw me out in the wild looking serious and I didn't even see her, and geez, no wonder I'm so unapproachable. I wish I could live in the present and that I could stop wandering around in my own head whenever I go outside. I just want some stupid pizza.

Okay, an hour and thirty minutes later it is DONE, and my sister helped me. Her and my mom are really all I've got. But in 30 minutes I'll also have pizza and cinnamon sticks in time for a movie with myself. I don't feel as relieved as I thought I would. I never used to be such an emotional person, I don't know what happened. At least I don't think I was. Now I'm just so histrionic and I'm not really sure if that's who I am or if there's something off. I just have a lot of feelings, I don't know. It's probably a hormonal thing, or something. It's WINTER, okay!!! No, I think I've always been dramatic. I wish my sister liked me as much as I like her.