Snug

I'm so grateful to past-me for making this site! 

I've spent the last two months having an absolute blast designing it and messing around, and I'm really excited to keep on adding more and more crap :^)

I've been learning a ton about the basics of html/css too, and being able to unload my brain when it gets too crowded has really helped me to not completely shut down or go insane. 

And everyone wants to share little pieces of themselves, that's why social media is the way that it is. But (like many others with their own sites), I've never been comfortable being "honest" on social-media. Especially now. It just feel too exposed. Like, I want to have a presence, but not like that: I want one on my own terms and in my own space. It's like...When you're at a party, or a social gathering, or just in a crowded room: it feels like the difference between standing in the centre of the room for all to see, versus sitting in a manageable corner where you can control how you're being seen while also doing the looking. 

The only thing is, it's hard to connect with people from this corner, but that's ok. 

I had such a productive day yesterday. It happens once in a blue moon, but I spent almost four hours straight working on a silly podcast script for an equally silly class and I didn't stop until it was done. When the heck does that ever happen??? But today I messed it all up unfortunately, I stayed up late watching Wicked which was...Like, I could've just skipped through to the songs "Popular" and "Defying Gravity" and that would've been enough, but I kinda sorta sat through the whole thing. I don't know. I love children's shows and movies, this felt like too directed towards children. Which is ok! It just felt like a waste of two hours. But I just love musicals, I love singing with all my heart, which is something probably no-one knows. Maybe when I get better at playing the guitar, I'll play something for you here >:(

I've had these insane dreams of being a singer, I swear since I could even think. There is this one moment I remember that makes me laugh -- I was maybe seven or eight, and listening to whatever my dad put on my iPod shuffle (like, the tiny clip on ones, they were so cool! I could go on another rant about how awesome technology was back then, with all of its pretty colours, and interesting designs, but I WILL NOT). I guess I was mouthing the words, but some lady my mom was friends with pointed at me and said something like "look, she thinks she's singing!!!" and I can just picture my angry deadpan expression. I think I was so funny and creative back then. 

I scoured through my dad's old laptop and found so many videos of my sister and I goofing around at that age -- just making things up, and putting on skits, or whatever, and it made me kind of sad. I wish that didn't go away. I mean, it didn't totally -- I'm still as dramatic as ever, but I do wonder where my creativity went. It was unbridled and unhindered by all these stupid thoughts that I have now. I used to read so much as a kid, almost anything I could get my hands on. I read plenty now, of course, but only because it's required of me. God, I am so extremely grateful to have grown up the way I did (in some respects anyways). I sound like a grumpy old man, but I am genuinely fearful of children nowadays, like do they even ever read during their lunches and recesses at school, or what??? Maybe they do, I have no idea. Reading was cool in my days, okay???

I truly have no idea how I manage to go on so many tangents, but I guess that's good for writing in a journal otherwise the page would be blank.

I woke up at 1:00 PM, only managed to get myself to campus at 3:00 PM, only to mess around and write this for two hours. I think I'm gonna go home and cook something before DnD tonight. Oh, tomorrow my school is putting on a musical of Spring Awakening and I am so excited :^) They're so good! 

See ya later.