Spam on the Floor

HI BLOG,

Things are okay, oh my god. I'm working at a stupid grocery store and it's icky and I miss my old summer job because I miss being in the sun (although there is no sun). Something embarrassing happened the other day, and I simply must share. Okay, so, I get spam messages from Spotify bands (???) which like message me weird lyrics or whatever as an ad, and one day because I am a very mature 22 year old, I messaged a particularly strange one: "mann stfu man" [sic]. That's fine. LO AND BEHOLD, the message was in fact NOT from Spotify, but from the grocery store I work at and my manager saw it ??? Somehow??? Oh my days. THANKFULLY, I do not care about this wretched job so it didn't affect me, although I wanted to cry when he was talking to me, it felt like I was a child being criticized by her teacher. He said not to stress BUT NO, I don't care, I do NOT like him. It definitely was silly of me, but like, I'm not going to pretend I give a fudge about this stupid company and it's absurd prices. Why is a tiny cup of kraft dinner 5 dollas ??? He can fire me, it's fine. Man. One of the only women working in my department left and in her place is some sleazy old man. DEVASTATION. 

On a similar note, I'm afraid my brain is actually shrinking. I haven't read a book or written anything since January, and maybe four months isn't that much, but I'm afraid it's going to get out of my control and I'll never be able to do anything creative ever again. I'm SO afraid. At least I care about it. I think at least recognizing its importance is something. If I lose that then it's over and I need to be taken out back.

ON A NICER NOTE, my partner and I (Z, for now) are going to Toronto tomorrow to watch Chicago!!! (The musical). I haven't seen it before. I'm more excited to see them again even though we see each other like at least twice a week. Until May. We get to go on the train :-). I'm afraid because their parents are going to be there too and I'll be having dinner with them which is just like two of maybe the scariest things ever; eating in public and meeting new people. But it'll be okay. Last week I met their best friend and her boyfriend and I think it was okay. I don't know if she liked me, I didn't talk that much. She was very very cool, and reminded me of one of my friends, but I don't think she seemed too happy I was there, maybe. Maybe not. It was mostly my partner and her talking too, but that's alright. I had a really nice time!!! I'm afraid I'm not letting things happen as they happen because I'm too worried about the future. I'm really afraid I'll forget how everything feels in the present because I'm somewhere else. Maybe I need to get off my meds. Grrr. I'll tell you how things go tomorrow and take lots of pictures!!!